A couple of things before I get into this: First, the dateline for the UPI story that I got this from is “Media, PA, April 15, 2011.” How appropriate. The name of the victim, I guess, is Steve. No, the victim could be Brian McGuire, 24, of Ridly Township. It’s going to involve a lawyer at some point, that’s for sure. You could make this story up, but really it’s not.
The police picked up Steve when he wandered out of Brian’s yard. I don’t know if Brian was home at the time or whether Steve was unattended in the yard. No one will tell me. At any rate, when Brian discovered that Steve was missing, and I also have no idea how long a period of time that was, he and his girlfriend, Bernadette, went to the Ridly Police. The police know where Steve is but won’t tell Brian, and won’t help Brian find him.
Oh, the injustice, the cruelty, the brutishness, the heartlessness, the abomination, the malapropism, of it all. It seems that Ridly has an ordinance against Steve living in the city limits, and without telling Brian, they sent him off to a “foster-farm” in a nearby locale. See, Steve is a 6-pound Vietnamese micro pot-bellied pig..
Brain claimed that he didn’t put a collar on Steve because he had no neck, so there was no tag to identify Steve’s address or his owner. Brian found out about it from the Delaware County Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, which opens up a whole new line of questioning. Why did the Ridly Police notify the SPCA? Why did Brian think to call the SPCA to locate his pig? Just for starters.
While Brian is now looking into his legal options, Steve is being fattened up on a pig farm in rural Pennsylvania. Will he end up bacon, or ham, or even Spam? Do you really think a micro pot-bellied pig is a FARM ANIMAL Ridly Township? Really?
The “Broken Road Farm in Virginia” advertises pot belly pigs for $300-$400. The “Sweet P Potbelly Pig Farm” in South Carolina specializes in PBP (I made up my own ancronym for Pot-Belly Pig, PBP. Yeah, I know you’re not that slow.) and sells them for $400. That’s a lot of money for a domesticated pig. The pigs are raised here predominantly as pets. In Viet Nam, they’re a food supply. I’ve heard that they’re very clean pets, can be house-broken and learn tricks.
This whole story makes me think of Arnold, the adopted pig of Fred and Doris Ziffel on “Green Acres.” That pig went to school. Brian’s didn’t stay home.