It’s Pool Time Again


I just checked my “Insights” on WordPress and discovered it has been three months since I’ve written anything.  Although that’s not, by any means, my world’s record, I figured I ought to come up with something this morning to write down.

Of course, immediately, I suffered from “Writer’s Block.”  Hell no I didn’t.  I never suffer from “Writer’s Block.”  There is no such devil.  The aforementioned malady is nothing more than a lack of something to write about.  That, in a phrase, is my current problem.  Nothing worthy of note has happened in the last three months.

But even that’s not true.  Life has gone on, rather unwittingly.  Another birthday has come and gone;  another Valentine’s Day, that most horrible of invented holidays;  another wedding anniversary, which also commemorates St. Patrick; a few assorted daughter’s, granddaughter’s and grandson’s birthday’s have passed; Easter came and subsequently left; and Spring never quite got here until yesterday which is why I’m setting up the pool.

If you’ve read any of my previous stories about setting up or building pools, you pretty much have an idea of what I’m in for over the next several days.  The structure went up the same as last summer.  An hour into the process, I’m cursing like a drunken sailor and promising to find and hang from the tree in my backyard, the inventor, designer, creator, of this big 12 foot by 24 foot vinyl bag dubbed the “Intex Ultra Frame” pool.  “Ultra Frame” is a trademarked name, which rather curls off my tongue when I say it with an extra adjective or two, most commonly, “Ultra Frame Piece of Shit.”

Currently, the vinyl bag is half full of water and clearly looks like it’s going to collapse on itself and20160505_100922 pour approximately 3,000 gallons of water into the unassuming gravel yard. flooding all the newly planted flowers that won’t grow, and mushroom compost that doesn’t help.   Did I mention that there are several large wrinkles in the bottom of the pool in three corners that will never work their way out and will drive me crazy all summer?  And I’ll need to buy $200 worth of chemicals and salt (I guess that’s a chemical too.) to get the water conditioned, on top of paying three times the normal amount for my monthly water bill.  They’ll probably send out the Water Police.  I mean, who uses 8,400 gallons of water in two days?  I’ll tell them I’ve had company and they shower a lot.  Yeah, they’ll buy that.

So why the hell am I doing it you ask?  (Or maybe you didn’t.)  I do it so that I can float around with a drink to cool off on a hot day.  But, when I’m asked the question, I answer that I’m doing it for my grandkids.  So they’ll come over and hang out for a while in the summer and drive me crazy forcing me to now have over a hundred or so “pool rules” which I have to verbally enforce every time they enter the water space.  Drinking in the pool does not violate any of the aforementioned pool rules, however.

One thing you learn as you merge into AARP status, is that the effects of any tiny little bit of physical exertion can be tolerated until the next day.  Sometimes the effects take less time to exhibit themselves.  You have trouble getting out of a chair, and then the legs don’t move forward smoothly.  The arms ache and the back of the neck.  You can’t sit up straight without a small moan sounding.  After shoveling and raking gravel around the pool for three days, I’m approaching a state of rigor mortis.  It’s hurts to type.

All said and done, (A cliché if ever there was one.), truth be told, for all intents and purposes, (My daughter had an “ah ha” moment with that one a while back, having thought her whole life that the word was “intense” and not “intents.”) the pool went up and filled up rather successfully.  I’ll be lifting 50 pound bags of salt, five of them, and pouring them around the perimeter today if I can lift them, and maybe by “Mother’s Day” the pool will be ready so I can start enforcing the rules.

Summer is just around the corner.  Only problem:  This weekend’s weather is not going to cooperate.  That little cloud icon with the slanted lines coming out of the bottom, and the lightning at the top, is showing up on my smart phone for Sunday.  We’re having a BBQ anyway.  I have a covered patio.  





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5 responses to “It’s Pool Time Again

  1. Linda Derry

    This is the funniest post ever………….You may ache and have many, many pains over this….but I look forward to the “Pool Adventures.” Keep them coming.

    • I just finished pouring 200 pounds of salt in there. Pain is just beginning. But it looks pretty good this year. Wind is blowing 60 mph right now so won’t be swimming anytime soon.

  2. Ah, the pain and suffering we go through for a little bit of relaxation! I can just picture you floating with a drink in our hands, though. It will all be worth it. I guess… 😉

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