In a meek attempt not to offend anyone, and if you know me at all, you know that attempting not to offend anyone is not high on my list, I thought I would take the time to wish my blog followers a Merry Christmas. Yes, I said it, Merry CHRISTMAS. I’ll say it again out loud, “Merry Christmas.”
As the year draws to a close, two of the many things that just keep hanging around in my head are “political correctness” and “stupid people.” Why is it politically correct to say “Holiday Party” instead of “Christmas Party?” I miss company Christmas parties. I got in a lot of memorable trouble at company Christmas parties, mainly because we could drink. There aren’t many company Christmas parties anymore. I’m probably one of the reasons.
We used to hold a “Christmas Eve Eve Party” every year. It was held on the 23rd of December, thus the “eve eve” significance. We held it on the 23rd because we thought more people would come, because they would have other plans on the 24th. It would never fail that someone would come up to me at work on Christmas Eve and say something like, “I can hardly wait for your party tonight.” I’d say something in my hung over state like, “It was last night. Christmas Eve Eve.” We don’t have a Christmas party at our house anymore. We don’t want to be sued for over-serving a guest and we don’t have anyone to invite anymore. In all honesty, they were always BYOB (Bring Your Own Booze) parties, so technically we weren’t over-serving anyone anyway.
I enjoyed those parties, and I miss them, but they cost a lot of money I did and don’t have, and half the people I invited never showed up. You know what it’s like to throw a party and no one shows up until an hour after the posted start? It’s not a good feeling. You can over-serve yourself in an hour feeling sorry for yourself that you don’t have any friends.
Stupid People are self-explanatory. I read somewhere that we should take all the warning labels off of products and let the problem solve itself. As my favorite comedienne, Ron White, says, “You can’t fix stupid. There’s not a pill you can take. There’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.” In my mind, no truer words have ever been spoken, and it still makes me laugh.
Like the guy who decided to trim his hedges with a power lawn mower. He lost control of the mower, cut off his fingers and sued the manufacturer because there wasn’t a warning label on the mower detailing the danger of trimming hedges with it. Like hedge trimming was even considered a use. Well, it appears that this story from 1978 can’t be confirmed, but was used to show the abuse in the courts of product liability suits. Of course, if there is no warning against a use for the product, the manufacturer could be held financially responsible, regardless of how stupid the use turns out to be.
But why stupid people are on my mind doesn’t have anything to do with mowing the lawn or trimming the hedge, it’s winter time after all. ( Although I wouldn’t put it past someone to try to trim the hedge with a snow blower.) Stupid people are on my mind because of all the Facebook posts about how I started this blog. People demanding that I say “Merry Christmas” in greeting and to hell with all the other people who want to take “Christ” out of Christmas, because they’re Jewish, or Afro-american, or Muslim, or Chinese, or atheist, or just stupid. I have a “Christmas Tree” in my living room. I have “Christmas Decorations” in my house. I have “Christmas Lights” in my yard. I am far from religious, although not atheist, and I just believe that “Christmas Day” is Christmas Day. It’s the 25th of December every year and it’s not called “Holiday.” So when I wish you a “Merry Christmas” that’s what I mean. Have a merry day on the 25th of December. Let’s not be stupid about it. WTF.